this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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