Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
