dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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