My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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