You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
