you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
