He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
