hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize
