How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
