My brain says no but my pants say off.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
