Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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