Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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