You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I want her autograph on my taint
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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