They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
