I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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