No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
