cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Im part way to drunk.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize