She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
dude i'm inner monologue high
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
