Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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