I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
