just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
