He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
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