I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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