Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
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