i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
