I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
