hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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