I love black thongs
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
