im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
