My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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