would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
