I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
