I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
