My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
