I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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