well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
