i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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