I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I love you. Go after that dick
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize