Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
