Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize