Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
why do cheetos always look like penises
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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