So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
