so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
