Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize