Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
