Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
