First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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