I want to have your abortion
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
as a side note pls kill me
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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