no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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