Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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