i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I currently don't understand fingers.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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