Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
