wanna go halves on a baby?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Still dying that you shit outside
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
