did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
