is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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