Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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