; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
