ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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