That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
