I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
