i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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