9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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