Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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