He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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