Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
