Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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