So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
