So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize