I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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