fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
