Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
