Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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