Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
