so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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