dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Randomize
