watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
