Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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