is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
She even gives head with a lisp.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
