she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
