ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
