We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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