Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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