I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
